Every been in the situation where you want to write something but nothing comes to you? That's where I've been the last couple of weeks. I've had plenty to write about, but I've been a slug and pretty much just slacked off. I do this periodically. You'll get used to it.
Anyhow, back at work again. Nothing much happening here. I've been recruiting for the college lately. I'm not that good at it. I have a problem begging people to attend a college that is the most untraditional college there is. Basically, I love the school, but it's got nothing to offer on the Coast campus except school. People coming out of high school do not want to hear that the college they are going to attend does not have sports, theatre, music, clubs or anything. It's pitiful. Hattiesburg campus has everything. I get so disappointed sometimes when I think about how active I was at Northeast and how completely unactive I've become. BLAH! Gross!
Gotta jet. I've got to get an Airborne over to Courthouse road before I miss the run.
Keep it up fellas!
25.1.05
14.1.05
It Takes My Pain Away
I guess today I'm reflecting more on things that are happening. January 8 one of my fellow classmates and friends passed away. He committed suicide. I don't understand how people come to that decision. It's crazy. What really gets to me is that I had spoken with him just a day or two before. He didn't say anything that would even lead me to believe that he was trying to reach out to anyone. He was just normal, laughing and goofing off like usual. I knew he had some hard times that he was still trying to get over, and he was very honest about them. He wasn't honest about the fact that he was contemplating suicide.
The sun is shining brightly today. It always warms me on the inside when it's warm on the outside. Yet another thing that take away the pain of other things. I was hoping for fair weather this weekend. I know the NE BSUers are headed this way today and I want them to have safe travel. Go get 'em Northeast!! Plus, my best friend Carrie is coming to see me. I'm really excited. It'll be the first time since graduation that any of my friends have come to see me. That was last May. It's definitely time for company.
Eli and I sent off his Graduate Application to California College of the Arts. What a load off my back!! That was stressing me out soooo much. Now we have to focus on the University of Georgia. I'll be glad when all of that is over!
K, gotta get back to work. Lots of love!
The sun is shining brightly today. It always warms me on the inside when it's warm on the outside. Yet another thing that take away the pain of other things. I was hoping for fair weather this weekend. I know the NE BSUers are headed this way today and I want them to have safe travel. Go get 'em Northeast!! Plus, my best friend Carrie is coming to see me. I'm really excited. It'll be the first time since graduation that any of my friends have come to see me. That was last May. It's definitely time for company.
Eli and I sent off his Graduate Application to California College of the Arts. What a load off my back!! That was stressing me out soooo much. Now we have to focus on the University of Georgia. I'll be glad when all of that is over!
K, gotta get back to work. Lots of love!
9.1.05
A Log of Life
Ok, to let you know what these pictures are all about....I decided I would try to take some snaps of what's around me so you guys to get to know where I am today. Since I don't get to talk to you all very often (minus the exchanges we have here) I figured it would be easier to bring my world to you this way. Basically it's a run down of what I see from my house to work and back to my house again. Not a whole lot of anything. I meant to do it in the order I said, but I forgot that when you post pictures, they post backwards or whatever. It makes sense in my head. Needless to say, the first one after my Nothing to See post is where the beginning is. This car marks the end. Enjoy!!
I like this car. It belongs to a Prof. of mine.
I like this car. It belongs to a Prof. of mine.
Random Findings on Campus
Okay, I don't know if you can tell or not, but this is a plaster face that is stuck inside a big oak tree located in front of the Art Complex. It's kinda creepy at night because when you drive by you catch it out of the corner or your eye. Sometimes I forget it's there. I like it though. My friend made the face and a few people have added to it over time.
8.1.05
Slowly it is Setting In
Last night I watched I Am Sam. Last night I cried my eyeballs out. I wasn't just crying about the movie though. Slowly I began to realize that all too soon, Eli is going to go to graduate school and I'm going to have to start over. It was just about that either. I realized that I'm going nowhere fast. I'm still. Stopping. Icky. I'm not moving forward.
After the movie Eli and I were both red-eyed and red-faced. I don't really know what all he was crying about. I do know that it wasn't just about the movie either. In a lot of ways he and I are the same (we're different too). Truly though, he holds everything inside. He claims that he just allows it to go away and forgets about it. Who can do that though? He can't. I hear him once in a while crying loudly with his face in his pillow. It's a deep down cry too. It isn't a sob or a sniffle. He has a heartwrenching moan when he cries. It's so sad. It makes my heart sad. I don't know what I can do for him. I always just want to hold him. I guess that's why I stuck by him for so long. I want him to know that he is truly loved. I don't mean by me alone. God loves him. He knows about God. He wants to know God more, but he is so afraid to give Him control of everything Eli has control over now. I do it too. I understand his fear.
I don't know how I'm going to handle Eli leaving. I keep telling myself that I will be fine. I think that I will just keep going and not think about it. The closer the time comes though, the more anxiety I feel. More and more I think about how much I'm going to miss him. He is very special to me. He has known me more than anyone else has in the past three years. He knows my strengths and weaknesses as I do his. It's a strange relationship. He is my best friend (not my only best friend). He knows what I cry about at night. He knows why I get blank stares on my face sometimes and can't hear a word he's saying. He knows when I'm completely joking even though I keep a straight stern look on my face (also knows when I'm going to crack a smile). It's fun.
Enough thinking already.
After the movie Eli and I were both red-eyed and red-faced. I don't really know what all he was crying about. I do know that it wasn't just about the movie either. In a lot of ways he and I are the same (we're different too). Truly though, he holds everything inside. He claims that he just allows it to go away and forgets about it. Who can do that though? He can't. I hear him once in a while crying loudly with his face in his pillow. It's a deep down cry too. It isn't a sob or a sniffle. He has a heartwrenching moan when he cries. It's so sad. It makes my heart sad. I don't know what I can do for him. I always just want to hold him. I guess that's why I stuck by him for so long. I want him to know that he is truly loved. I don't mean by me alone. God loves him. He knows about God. He wants to know God more, but he is so afraid to give Him control of everything Eli has control over now. I do it too. I understand his fear.
"I'll be fine."
I don't know how I'm going to handle Eli leaving. I keep telling myself that I will be fine. I think that I will just keep going and not think about it. The closer the time comes though, the more anxiety I feel. More and more I think about how much I'm going to miss him. He is very special to me. He has known me more than anyone else has in the past three years. He knows my strengths and weaknesses as I do his. It's a strange relationship. He is my best friend (not my only best friend). He knows what I cry about at night. He knows why I get blank stares on my face sometimes and can't hear a word he's saying. He knows when I'm completely joking even though I keep a straight stern look on my face (also knows when I'm going to crack a smile). It's fun.
Enough thinking already.
3.1.05
Enter the Pink Eye
I feel like I'm down for the count. So two days into this I'm pretty sure that I have pink eye. Dan, I owe your mom one. hehe Hey, if you don't mind, ask her what she's taking for this stuff. My eye was all matted up this morning. I had to force my eye open. Not a pretty picture, mind you. Sorry for the details. I get to go to work tomorrow looking like Egore (however you spell that). All I need is a hump. I'm just hoping it doesn't move to the other eye or I may not be able to function. I'm still trying to think positive about this. Need to get medicine.
So beyond the pink eye, today has been good. I went to church in Ocean Springs today. My church I attend has moved to a high school now. They are in the process of getting their own building. Church was good. God pretty much re-enforced what I've been thinking. I need to make more christian friends here. I miss my cirlce of friends. I need that support and care from others who really want me to grow with God, not away from God.
That's about it for now. My head is swimming. Until later.
So beyond the pink eye, today has been good. I went to church in Ocean Springs today. My church I attend has moved to a high school now. They are in the process of getting their own building. Church was good. God pretty much re-enforced what I've been thinking. I need to make more christian friends here. I miss my cirlce of friends. I need that support and care from others who really want me to grow with God, not away from God.
That's about it for now. My head is swimming. Until later.
1.1.05
Everything is in slow motion
Today feels like it took a long time to get here and isn't going anywhere anytime soon. My dog has been acting incredibly strange today too. I woke up around 7 this morning but could not convince myself that it was time to get up. I let Joe out and went back to bed. He came back in a woke me up so I'd put him on the bed. I had to get up to shut the front door though, so I picked him up and then I got out of bed. I dunno what's going on with my doggy. Even now he is sitting in my lap while I type this and he is shaking like crazy. He never used to shake like this. He has been behind my heels all day long today. I opened up the windows and front door hoping that it would make him happy, but he acts like he is scared to death! I dunno.
I got up around 12 and started my day. I ate toast and strawberry cream cheese. I never used to eat that combination, but I figured out it was pretty tastey so I try it more often. All of my cereal was gone anyway. Oh yeah, so this morning when I woke up one of my eyes was watering like crazy and was swollen. It freaked me out completely. Dan??? Did your mom give me something!?? I'm teasing. I think it's something in this apartment. Since I returned to Gulfport, I've been waking up to headaches and clearly messed up sinuses. Yeah. Fun stuff. They (and you ask, "who is they??") spray poison in our apartments every month to rid us of any bug problems that may occur. I may see if I can get that cut down to once every three months or something. I think it may be that. I don't know for sure though. Yet another reason I've been trying to let fresh air into my house. I've been cleaning too.
I'm trying to clean out my guest bedroom. I'm planning on having visitors this month. At least I hope so. So, all of you reading this.......it's about ready for you to use!! Please, take advantage of it! And Dan or Jared, if you do come down for Martin Luther weekend, I'm going to see if Carrie and I can get over there and maybe eat lunch or something with you guys. Let me know what you think.
I have a lot of crap. That's pretty much the best way to describe it. I have lots of papers and stuff that I keep just because I don't want to forget it. I'm trying to downsize. It's not going well. I've decided that anything that is written on paper can be typed on my computer and then filed in a nice little folder. That way, if I want to read it, I can just pull it up. Of course, it would be smart to back it up. If I lose it, I lose it. I'm not going to cry about it. I think it's easier to lose something that you've gone through the trouble of typing on the computer. That way, at least you got to read it one last time and you can't go back to the garbage and pick it up just to decide you can't throw it away. You know?
Gonna try to get more involved with my church. Pretty soon my church will be all I have for fellowship. I need to make more friends there. Eli will leave here around June or July and then I won't have anymore friends that I really hang out with. I probably won't go to Virginia Beach unless a lot of doors open. We'll see.
Sorry, I'm basically just rambling today. Maybe something more thought provoking tomorrow. Lots of love.
I got up around 12 and started my day. I ate toast and strawberry cream cheese. I never used to eat that combination, but I figured out it was pretty tastey so I try it more often. All of my cereal was gone anyway. Oh yeah, so this morning when I woke up one of my eyes was watering like crazy and was swollen. It freaked me out completely. Dan??? Did your mom give me something!?? I'm teasing. I think it's something in this apartment. Since I returned to Gulfport, I've been waking up to headaches and clearly messed up sinuses. Yeah. Fun stuff. They (and you ask, "who is they??") spray poison in our apartments every month to rid us of any bug problems that may occur. I may see if I can get that cut down to once every three months or something. I think it may be that. I don't know for sure though. Yet another reason I've been trying to let fresh air into my house. I've been cleaning too.
I'm trying to clean out my guest bedroom. I'm planning on having visitors this month. At least I hope so. So, all of you reading this.......it's about ready for you to use!! Please, take advantage of it! And Dan or Jared, if you do come down for Martin Luther weekend, I'm going to see if Carrie and I can get over there and maybe eat lunch or something with you guys. Let me know what you think.
I have a lot of crap. That's pretty much the best way to describe it. I have lots of papers and stuff that I keep just because I don't want to forget it. I'm trying to downsize. It's not going well. I've decided that anything that is written on paper can be typed on my computer and then filed in a nice little folder. That way, if I want to read it, I can just pull it up. Of course, it would be smart to back it up. If I lose it, I lose it. I'm not going to cry about it. I think it's easier to lose something that you've gone through the trouble of typing on the computer. That way, at least you got to read it one last time and you can't go back to the garbage and pick it up just to decide you can't throw it away. You know?
Gonna try to get more involved with my church. Pretty soon my church will be all I have for fellowship. I need to make more friends there. Eli will leave here around June or July and then I won't have anymore friends that I really hang out with. I probably won't go to Virginia Beach unless a lot of doors open. We'll see.
Sorry, I'm basically just rambling today. Maybe something more thought provoking tomorrow. Lots of love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)