I'm Going to be in a Play!

Nervousness. I auditioned for a musical Tuesday night. I just wanted to see if I could do it, because the last time I even tried to "act" was when I was 12. Fourteen years later, I thought it was time to take another stab at it. I shouldn't have been so shy about it. Still not out of that weirdness that I get sometimes where I don't want to speak up. I talk myself out of too many things. The audition was fun. I could've done more, but with me having the crud and not having much experience behind my belt, I fell into the background. Still, I was cast as a chorus girl and a smaller role (I think Suzanne) in Kiss Me Kate. I'm excited about it. It'll be a nice thing to do with some of my friends. Still, I won't have any free time, but maybe I'll feel better about how I spend my time. I'm going to miss hanging out with my dad on Tuesdays though. I love him.

Speaking of which, I had to delay our "date" night because of the ladie's banquet. Now I'm going to have to postpone again because of rehearsel. I hope my dad isn't upset. I think I'll visit him tonight. I miss hearing him boss me around. hehe

Last night I stayed up until 1 working on a Congratulations banner for two people I go to church with. It was fun. That's what it looks like. I haven't just sat down and drawn anything in a while. I talked on the phone with Eli while I worked. I caught up on his life. Strange talking to him after everything. I'm afraid I still may have a tinge of bitterness in me. I've really prayed about it. I don't want to be mean to him. It's just hard to be nice to him sometimes when I remember everything that happened between us. I make mean little comments that I could just keep inside and not express. He just leaves the door wide open and I walk through it. It's like the movie You've Got Mail. I zing him and then I feel the overwhelming remorse for what I've done. I'm getting better about it though. Unlike the movie, we won't end up together. Far from what I would want anyway. I just want to learn to be a real friend to him again.

I miss Scott. I try not to think about it. Ever since he changed camps, I never get to hear from him. When I do get to talk to him it seems like such a short conversation. I miss his hugs, smell, touch.....man I miss him. I can't even remember what it feels like to hug him. I can't wait until he comes home. I think we have about a month and half left. It's just not going quickly enough. I don't know if I'm going to be very good at being a military wife. I'm going to try my best. Boy this isn't fun though.