After the movie Eli and I were both red-eyed and red-faced. I don't really know what all he was crying about. I do know that it wasn't just about the movie either. In a lot of ways he and I are the same (we're different too). Truly though, he holds everything inside. He claims that he just allows it to go away and forgets about it. Who can do that though? He can't. I hear him once in a while crying loudly with his face in his pillow. It's a deep down cry too. It isn't a sob or a sniffle. He has a heartwrenching moan when he cries. It's so sad. It makes my heart sad. I don't know what I can do for him. I always just want to hold him. I guess that's why I stuck by him for so long. I want him to know that he is truly loved. I don't mean by me alone. God loves him. He knows about God. He wants to know God more, but he is so afraid to give Him control of everything Eli has control over now. I do it too. I understand his fear.
"I'll be fine."
I don't know how I'm going to handle Eli leaving. I keep telling myself that I will be fine. I think that I will just keep going and not think about it. The closer the time comes though, the more anxiety I feel. More and more I think about how much I'm going to miss him. He is very special to me. He has known me more than anyone else has in the past three years. He knows my strengths and weaknesses as I do his. It's a strange relationship. He is my best friend (not my only best friend). He knows what I cry about at night. He knows why I get blank stares on my face sometimes and can't hear a word he's saying. He knows when I'm completely joking even though I keep a straight stern look on my face (also knows when I'm going to crack a smile). It's fun.
Enough thinking already.
2 comments:
Doesn't sounds like it to me!
If you love him that much, go with him. Love makes you do strange things. heck, I live in England now. How's that for chasing love?
You know, I'll admit this much, I care a lot about Eli. The thing is that it takes love on both ends to make a relationship work. Even though I care alot about Eli and he cares about me, he doesn't love me. That makes a huge difference. I'm not going to make my life one where I follow after a love that isn't there. I'd rather grin and move on than keep hoping that something may develop. I figure if it's meant to be, he'll figure it out and find me. Otherwise, time to let go and grow in other ways.
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