Sometimes I Just Don't Know

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I view people. It started the other day when I was driving back to my house for lunch. I had to pass by some workers on the side of the road. One guy waved me through the blocked area. He was wearing an orange jump suit. You know, the ones that people usually wear if they are working community hours for the police. I looked at his face as I drove by. I wondered what it would be like to meet him on the street. I started thinking about how I would act toward him if I had just bumped in to him. Would I be afraid? Would I be friendly? Would I even say, "Hi"? These thoughts began the chain reaction in my brain that usually sends me on a wild goose chase.

So many times people are quick to judge others just by what they see. I've made it point in my life to treat everyone the same. Sometimes I'm more successful at accomplishing this goal than others. I've failed many times. I keep trying though. One thing I've noticed about myself is that I honestly believe (and this is the naive part of me that my father says will quickly fade away once reality hits) that everyone has good in them. I believe that first moment of introductions, hellos, glances is the opportunity for them to be completely free of judgments, stereotypes or anything. I start off meeting people thinking that they are truly saints, then I let them decide what they will be to me. I base how I feel about them on how they act, speak, react, express themselves to me. After those first few moments I catch on to what kind of person they will be. Still, I hold out hope that the good will overcome anything and will be what I see from then on. I never think that they could hurt me, lie to me, deceive in any way, or be bad. I guess that is why, most times, when someone does something that is considered unorthodox to other people, I'm a little let down. I put my heart out there for people to play with and not in a romantic way but in a loving way. I've noticed that deep down, when I meet someone, I truly love their souls. They have to decide whether or not to let me.



I don't know........it was clearer in my head. Sometimes it is so hard for me to put in to words what I'm thinking. It can be crystal clear inside and from my brain to my fingers the translation gets lost. I tried.

Cheeseburger Ravioli

I miss Darby. I went home today for lunch (mainly because my funds are dwindling down to nothing quickly) and searched through my pantry for the perfect lunchtime food. I stumbled across and old friend, Chef Boyardee

uh, that would be him....anyway...it made me think of living on the coast and hanging out with Darby, my seven year old neighbor. She was the coolest! I'm sure she still is. I remember the first time I ever met her she was quoting facts to me like a walking encyclopedia. She was five then, I think. Gosh, I'm not sure now, but she was a friggin genius! We would play outside or inside, either way it was fun. Her mom was in class with me half of the time. Somewhere I have a picture of her. I'll find it and post it. Oh, it was the cheeseburger ravioli that reminded me of her because she was the first person I ate it with. I think the first couple of years hanging out with Darby consisted of frozen chicken nuggets, chef boyardee of all types (meatballs, ravioli, spagetti), peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chocolate milk and grape drinks. Man I miss her.

I'm kinda blank today. I've been looking at a lot of other people's illustrations and such. I'm so overwhelmed with things lately, I haven't gotten to enjoy myself with creating anything. I've been working and sleeping and filling time, but I haven't been doing anything creative. Draining really. I've got to do something! I've been wanting to paint lately, but I just don't have the gusto. I think it's just laziness taking over. I really need to play outside a bunch. I think the sunshine would do me good.

Enough for today.

Things That Make Me Happy

I was thinking about it.... Happy.....Birthday. What makes me happy?

Flowers

Laughter

Art

Music

Ice Cream Cones, Especially Chocolate!

Children

Baby Animals

Sunrise and Sunset

LOVE

I'm not overenthused about my birthday. I'm glad it is here and all-in-all, it's been nice. Just a little lonesome. So Happy Birthday world!! I hope I can be a servent to someone today.

One Day Can Change It All

Well, things are starting to become more clear. I say this knowing good and well that tomorrow it'll probably fuzz over again! Oh well. hehe

Easter weekend was wonderful. I had the opportunity to visit with friends, family and soon-to-be family. I was blessed to have my mom at church with me for both services, and (with no disrespect to my mom) that was a miracle in itself. I can't remember the last time I really and truly knew that my mom wanted to be a church. It was such an overwhelming feeling to have her there beside me. Now if I could just get my dad feeling better and going to church somewhere. Man, that would be awesome! It will happen.

Sunday was a day full of everything. I went to church that morning. After church I changed and headed over to Burnsville, MS to hang out with my fiance's family. It was a little awkward at first for me because: A. he isn't here; B. I don't know them that well; C. none of them really know me. It ended up being pretty cool though. I got to talk to his sister, niece, uncle and mom a bit. I just wish he could have been there with me.

I left the picnic to go to my mom's to change clothes for church. Church was great. I headed home after that. It was a full day. Fun, but full. I took lots of pictures to send them to Scott. I really need to get on that. I've had them for a little while now. I just need to send them.

Scott told me the Air Force is downsizing. Good stuff. Actually, I'm not really sure how that will affect us. I know that he may be discharged if they have to cut people. Seems strange to me that you can enlist for an amount of time, but if they decide they don't need you anymore then that's it. It makes sense though, I guess. It's just like a business. He is at the top of the list for his base in Colorado. He asked me what I thought about it all. Truly, I'm ok with whatever. If he gets out, fine. If he stays in, fine. If we live in a foreign country, fine. If we stay in the states, fine. I think the only stipulation I've given him so far is that I'm not partial to staying here. Of course, God's will is a lot stronger than mine, so we'll see what happens. Trust me, I'm praying about this one.

There's probably more, but right now my brain is too full to get everything out.

PICTURES!!

Picnic pictures. This is Scott's family picnic. The little girls in the purple skirts are his nieces. The other kids are cousins, I think. They played a little ball too while we were there. I think that is his cousin hitting the ball.

Better Things

Man.....I woke up this morning with a thousand things running through my mind. Last night it took me forever to get to sleep because my mind kept buzzing. I don't know what the deal is. It's really strange. I ended up staying up late and making a purse out of a placemat. When I finish it, I'll post it so you can see. Gotta get the details taken care of. My fingers are sore too from pushing the needle through. It took me an hour and a half to do. When you think about it, there really are a lot of benefits to owning a sewing machine. Lol! Good experience though. It would have taken me probably ten minutes to make one of those with a machine. I'm such a dork! It was fun.

I have the strangest thoughts in my head lately though. My brain feels like it is going through overload. I've realized how easily I get absorbed in my own life and don't think to see how others are doing.

My heart was blessed this morning by a blog I check ever so often. Man, you never know what other people are going through until you take the time to notice. I'm touched just by the way so many people are willing to open their lives up to everyone. My life seems so fickle a lot of times.

I want to help others. I want to be a blessing. I wish I knew........I just wish I knew where my true place is. Meanwhile, I'll continue to search. There really are better things going on in the world than what I have to add. I'm glad.

Florist Scare

yeah.....I'm a little worried about the florist that I talked to recently about doing the flowers for my wedding. Only by coincidense, I happened to see an arrangement that she did for the church that I go to. I didn't know that she had done it. Now, it wasn't bad, but after I learned that she didn't follow the instructions that was given to her for the arrangement, it scared me.

What if I give her instructions on how I want my flowers to look and she takes it upon herself to change what I want. Not cool. I'm wondering what I should do. I dunno. I've never done this before.

So, I've got a picture of my wedding band now. I like it. That's my sweet baby's little chubby fingers modeling it for you. Yeah ok, I know, sorry.....not trying to be gross, just can't help it.

I love it. I can't wait to get his ring taken care of so that we'll have all of that finished and not have to think about it. One less thing on the wedding "to do" list. Blah.

You know, I've been thinking that this sure is a lot of hub-bub just for one crazy day! If I had been married before, I would so elope. I guess that's why I'm doing all this mess. I've never been married before. I want to do this thing right. It should be fun. We'll see what happens.

Speaking of things to do....We've just about gotten the honeymoon finished!! I'm sooooo excited!!! I have my passport and we're waiting on our confirmation. I can't believe we are going to Italy! I'm so stoked. I can't even imagine what it is going to be like. Scott doesn't realize what all he has already given me and what he is doing for me now! He is so amazing (even without all this stuff he's done). I'm really excited about living life with him.

How do you feel about these flowers?

Oh! Here is the church where we are getting married. Classic.

"Monday Monday, dah dah, dah dah dah dah"

Ahh, there's nothing like starting your Monday morning with a bloody nose. I think my schnauzah has just about had it. I'm still trying to get over a cold that I can't seem to kick and my nose is screaming for that Kleenex softness. I sneezed this morning and the crimson tide washed over my upper lip. It's disgusting I know, but it is what happened.

I noticed last night while I was driving home (completely on a different subject) that the tiniest things really can make me smile. I like it when you can drive the same speed as another car driving past you and when you cross under the overpass you never see the car, you just know it is there because you saw the headlights before. The wall between always blocks the car. Something about that always makes me giggle. Probably 'cause I'm a freak and now the world knows, but that's ok.

I was at church last night and when I went to sit down I saw two feet sticking out from under my pew. I bent down and peeked under to find a little red-haired boy playing with a GI Joe while he lay on his back. I whispered to him, "Hey, are you hiding?" He said, "Yeah." There was a cell phone by his side. I asked, "Is that your's?" And again he said, "Yeah." My reply, "Ok, I won't tell anyone you are here. Don't lose your phone. Bye bye." He said, "Thanks. I won't. Bye." I proceeded to sit back up and clap with the music, all the while knowing I had a little elf under my pew.

Tonight there will be wooly mammoths and sloths in my dreams! I'm going to see Ice Age 2. I think it will be fun. Dan and Brent are possibly going to accompany me to the event. Very exciting. I'll cook chicken fajitas and hopefully not poison anyone. It will be grand.