Nothing to see.....It's hard to say that there really is something worth looking at when you look at yourself and the world around you. What you have to realize is that there really is something and someone to see, something wonderful....some place wonderful.


see

to 

nothing 

Slowly it is Setting In

Last night I watched I Am Sam. Last night I cried my eyeballs out. I wasn't just crying about the movie though. Slowly I began to realize that all too soon, Eli is going to go to graduate school and I'm going to have to start over. It was just about that either. I realized that I'm going nowhere fast. I'm still. Stopping. Icky. I'm not moving forward.

After the movie Eli and I were both red-eyed and red-faced. I don't really know what all he was crying about. I do know that it wasn't just about the movie either. In a lot of ways he and I are the same (we're different too). Truly though, he holds everything inside. He claims that he just allows it to go away and forgets about it. Who can do that though? He can't. I hear him once in a while crying loudly with his face in his pillow. It's a deep down cry too. It isn't a sob or a sniffle. He has a heartwrenching moan when he cries. It's so sad. It makes my heart sad. I don't know what I can do for him. I always just want to hold him. I guess that's why I stuck by him for so long. I want him to know that he is truly loved. I don't mean by me alone. God loves him. He knows about God. He wants to know God more, but he is so afraid to give Him control of everything Eli has control over now. I do it too. I understand his fear.

"I'll be fine."

I don't know how I'm going to handle Eli leaving. I keep telling myself that I will be fine. I think that I will just keep going and not think about it. The closer the time comes though, the more anxiety I feel. More and more I think about how much I'm going to miss him. He is very special to me. He has known me more than anyone else has in the past three years. He knows my strengths and weaknesses as I do his. It's a strange relationship. He is my best friend (not my only best friend). He knows what I cry about at night. He knows why I get blank stares on my face sometimes and can't hear a word he's saying. He knows when I'm completely joking even though I keep a straight stern look on my face (also knows when I'm going to crack a smile). It's fun.

Enough thinking already.

Enter the Pink Eye

I feel like I'm down for the count. So two days into this I'm pretty sure that I have pink eye. Dan, I owe your mom one. hehe Hey, if you don't mind, ask her what she's taking for this stuff. My eye was all matted up this morning. I had to force my eye open. Not a pretty picture, mind you. Sorry for the details. I get to go to work tomorrow looking like Egore (however you spell that). All I need is a hump. I'm just hoping it doesn't move to the other eye or I may not be able to function. I'm still trying to think positive about this. Need to get medicine.

So beyond the pink eye, today has been good. I went to church in Ocean Springs today. My church I attend has moved to a high school now. They are in the process of getting their own building. Church was good. God pretty much re-enforced what I've been thinking. I need to make more christian friends here. I miss my cirlce of friends. I need that support and care from others who really want me to grow with God, not away from God.

That's about it for now. My head is swimming. Until later.

Enter the Pink Eye 

Everything is in slow motion

Today feels like it took a long time to get here and isn't going anywhere anytime soon. My dog has been acting incredibly strange today too. I woke up around 7 this morning but could not convince myself that it was time to get up. I let Joe out and went back to bed. He came back in a woke me up so I'd put him on the bed. I had to get up to shut the front door though, so I picked him up and then I got out of bed. I dunno what's going on with my doggy. Even now he is sitting in my lap while I type this and he is shaking like crazy. He never used to shake like this. He has been behind my heels all day long today. I opened up the windows and front door hoping that it would make him happy, but he acts like he is scared to death! I dunno.

I got up around 12 and started my day. I ate toast and strawberry cream cheese. I never used to eat that combination, but I figured out it was pretty tastey so I try it more often. All of my cereal was gone anyway. Oh yeah, so this morning when I woke up one of my eyes was watering like crazy and was swollen. It freaked me out completely. Dan??? Did your mom give me something!?? I'm teasing. I think it's something in this apartment. Since I returned to Gulfport, I've been waking up to headaches and clearly messed up sinuses. Yeah. Fun stuff. They (and you ask, "who is they??") spray poison in our apartments every month to rid us of any bug problems that may occur. I may see if I can get that cut down to once every three months or something. I think it may be that. I don't know for sure though. Yet another reason I've been trying to let fresh air into my house. I've been cleaning too.

I'm trying to clean out my guest bedroom. I'm planning on having visitors this month. At least I hope so. So, all of you reading this.......it's about ready for you to use!! Please, take advantage of it! And Dan or Jared, if you do come down for Martin Luther weekend, I'm going to see if Carrie and I can get over there and maybe eat lunch or something with you guys. Let me know what you think.

I have a lot of crap. That's pretty much the best way to describe it. I have lots of papers and stuff that I keep just because I don't want to forget it. I'm trying to downsize. It's not going well. I've decided that anything that is written on paper can be typed on my computer and then filed in a nice little folder. That way, if I want to read it, I can just pull it up. Of course, it would be smart to back it up. If I lose it, I lose it. I'm not going to cry about it. I think it's easier to lose something that you've gone through the trouble of typing on the computer. That way, at least you got to read it one last time and you can't go back to the garbage and pick it up just to decide you can't throw it away. You know?

Gonna try to get more involved with my church. Pretty soon my church will be all I have for fellowship. I need to make more friends there. Eli will leave here around June or July and then I won't have anymore friends that I really hang out with. I probably won't go to Virginia Beach unless a lot of doors open. We'll see.

Sorry, I'm basically just rambling today. Maybe something more thought provoking tomorrow. Lots of love.

Christmas Time's A Comin.....

There aren't many more days until Christmas. I'm glad. I'll admit that I'm not anxious about the whole "who are you spending christmas with" crap I'll have to go through once I get to Iuka, but I'm trying not to think about it just yet. Looking forward to slugburgers and friends. I would like to hunt down a few people and give them some much needed loving. Dan Marsh, you're on my list. Jared, if I can find you, you'll definitely need to be prepared for a great big hug. The Christmas spirit makes me lightheaded.

So what's the plan? Well, I'm working on cleaning my apartment and getting everything in line so I can head north for the winter. I've got to do some laundry, dishes, sweep, mop (the usual housework). Then, I've got to run some errands. Lots to do, not enough time. I'm going to try to leave early so I may take my time and not roll in the Iuka area around 1 a.m., like I am very prone to doing. I'm shooting for 1 p.m. this time. We'll see what happens. I'm thinking Christmas Eve with Mom and Joe and her rat for a boyfriend (grrrrrrr, I don't like him) and then Christmas Day with Dad and Aunt Dorothy and hopefully not his blonde disaster for a girlfriend (not very partial to her either). I know, I'm not very nice. I'm trying to grow out of it. My parents should have to grow up first though, it isn't fair. hehe, I love them anyway.

K, lots to do..........gotta jet. SMOOCH to you all!!

Tale as old as time

It has become increasingly harder to try and post. My computer at work is the pits, with a capital PITS! So, tonight I had the pleasure of attending a show at the Grand Casino of Beauty and the Beast. Hats off to those guys!! They did such a superb job. I was really impressed. I had a great time too. Me and my friend Cecily and another girl that I'm just getting to know better went to the show. hmmm....may try to find a way to put her picture on here. I'll keep thinking about that one.

So today was really nice. All I did today was relax at work and enjoy the day. It was still a little chaotic but not as much as before. I ended up taking my laptop to work and pluggin it up in the lobby area so that Jessica and me could watch the Princess Diaries 2 and hang out. I love my work. hehe I can't complain. For the latter part of the afernoon I sat crocheting. Yeah, not much to do when you are in the middle of a trimester. Fun fun fun.

WE ARE OUT FOR CHRISTMAS!!!! I get to spend time at home and away from everything. My little doggy Joe will get to see my wild banchie hair all day now, because I'm probably going to be a bum tomorrow and Sunday (excluding the time I will go to church) and look how I wake up. Yeah. I love being a woman. That's it for now. I always think of stuff to put before I get on here, and then when I do, I forget everything. What's on the other side of my brain????

Homecoming at William Carey. Yes, I was a maid. Always a maid, never a queen. 

Fun sky! 

Have you seen this kid? 

What's for dinner?? Looks like dogfood. Tastes like chicken. Oh! It must be Ramen! 

Joe, the dog. Isn't he sweet!? 

Ok, so here I am. 

Just a little Jazzy

Oh wow! I had a good time tonight. Sorry about the semi to almost completely dullish post earlier today. I wanted to put something down, but I was in a hurry. You know how it goes. Indeed.

So I ended up getting to work today. I really didn't do much work. I did get to go to McDonald's before I went to my office, hehehe, and I picked up a Egg McMuffin (super size, super size, it's a beautiful thing). I think about that movie every time I go to McDonald's now. I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing. I just know that I like being addicted to fatty foods. yum. :o) What was my point??? Oh.....I picked up some food for me and the new receptionist chick, Jessica. It made me about 15 minutes late for work too. I work hard to keep my reputation. lol.....as a slacker!! I sat down at my desk and ate my breakfast. Pretty much my day consisted of answering retarted questions that (I'm sorry) people of college age should already know the answer to. Why are people so special the older they get???? I felt like the all-knowing genie. Of course, I don't have a lamp. I need one. I did a little crochet work and finished up a scarf I was making for Darby, my seven year old neighbor across the parking lot. I helped a few computer illiterate people today too. I mean, yeah, I'm not that talented at computer work even though I know a good bit, but I know they aren't as dumbfounded as they let on about things.

*Choosing not to write about someting I wanted to write about because I changed my mind at the last minute*

Let's see.....cut to the chase. I went over to my friend Dave's house to "jam out". I took my trumpet, which I haven't played in probably 3 years. It was so much fun just getting to let go and play. It took me a little while to get my mouth set again. It felt great. I miss music. I miss that feeling I get when have the chance to compose. It's such a high.

I stayed over at Dave's house for about two hours. Just got home a little while ago. My toes feel like ice cubes. I like it. hehe Oh, to let you know, my dog Joe was named by his previous owners. It is actually short for Joey. I'm not much on Joey's, never really have been, so I shortened it to Joe. Whenever my brother Joe is around, I call my doggy Little Joe. It works out.

I wanted to do a "Day in the Life of....." kind of post, but I decided against it. Maybe some other time I will get the chance to share my agenda with you. hehe, it's not like it's that interesting. I feel the need to create. I want to do art. I want to use my hands and plan a piece. I miss art school soooooo much. Sooooooooo much. :o(

Gosh, I feel like I could put much more, but I'm trying to keep it down to a minimum. I don't want to bore everyone to death. I guess I'll cut it out here. More to come!

Ten, nine, eight seven........

I was going to put a post on here yesterday but discovered that at work my computer is so friggin messed up I can barely check my e-mail. Definitely a disappointment. So here I am....it's morning. Yeah, boring. I woke up and took Joe (my dog) out this morning. He was so quick this morning! Yah for my doggy!!!! Good job Joe!! I always hate standing there waiting for him to do his business and then walking home. I freeze to death when it's cold and look incredibly silly because I just woke up and my hair is flying everywhere. My eyes are always swollen and puffy in the morning too (partly because of living with an animal I'm guessing) so when I see people I look like I have snowballs for eyes and wild banchie hair. It's great.

Today is one day closer to Friday. YES!! Just two more days. I'm counting them down. I cannot wait to get out for Christmas!! I guess that is one awesome thing about working for a private university....you get outta school when they do. It's nice. I'm anxious to do nothing and hang out with my friends. There are certain people I would like to see. It's been too long.

Ok, well, I have to make this short because my iron is finally hot, gotta get ready for work (that includes fixing my wild banchie hair) and head out the door. Peace!

Christmas Present #1 

It Has Begun.....

You know I was thinking about this. I always like to keep things like this up, but I fail terribly. I would like to stick with something for a change. Plus, I wanted to be able to post comments to some of your sites. Yes, I'm keeping up with you people. You know who you are.

Anway, I spent the majority of this day thinking. I mean, yeah, I woke up, I went to church. By the way, I went to a new church today.....Bayou View Baptist Church. I tell you what...I liked it. I think it was because four of my friends go there and I didn't feel so out of place, but it was other things along with that. I enjoyed the pastor. He was cheesy and a little on the corny side, but what Baptist preacher isn't??? I've noticed this. hehe, no offense guys. Also, the people there seemed like they wanted to be there. They weren't in a rush to get out the door. They stuck around and spoke with each other. It was very encouraging. The church I usually attend is great, don't get me wrong, but it always seems like I just get lost in the crowd. There are about five people that probably realize I attend on Sundays. Aside from that small group, I think the rest of the people only have lunch on their mind. I don't blame them. It isn't that way at Baptist churches only either. It's a lot of churches. I'm learning.

After church my friend Chad invited Eli and me over to his house for lunch with he and his wife. It was fun. I got a new plant out of it too!! I'm trying to do this whole "growing plants in your office and home" thing. I really would like for them to live, but it seems the only plant I ever can get to stay alive is a cactus and I've had my moments with those. Just recently I was feeling good about having my cactus, Cloe, for more than two years. I think she knew I was proud, because I checked her out the other day and she's killing over on one side. The whole right side of her is just icky. It made me feel really sad. I watered her a little and stuck her in my picture window. Maybe she'll perk up. I dunno. I suck at plants. Definitely no green thumb on me. I'm lucky it's even a tint of chartruse. Oh well. hehe

So, Eli and I came home and I got a christmas present early!!!!! Woohoo!! I love it too. He picked up on the fact that I kept eyeballing this bracelet at a gallery in downtown G-port. He got it for me for christmas. Sweetness. I think he really wanted to give it to me so I could brag on him, because he kept asking me when we were going to exchange gifts. I kept telling him that I wasn't ready to exchange gifts. Of course, me being the raskel that I am, I asked if I could get one of presents anyway. Yep, I'm a booger. :o) Go figure.

Eli went to work and now I'm trying to work on his christmas present so I can either give him the picture book for his birthday or the BB gun for his birthday. I'd rather wait until closer to Christmas time to give him the BB gun. We'll see. If I can get this picture book thing done, I'll probably give that to him for his birthday and then right before I leave to go to Iuka, give him the BB gun. Still wish I had gotten a BB gun. He said he didn't feel right about giving a girl a BB gun. HA! I had two when I was younger. No big deal. Okay, I'm a tomboy anyway. I miss BB guns. :o( It is even CO2 powered and everything. *sniff sniff* I'll live.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I've got to do some house cleaning and picture booking, or picturing in a book? I dunno.